Daily Archives: April 23, 2008

Here we go again

I’m still at the stage where I have to relive my deafness every morning.  It’s slowly starting to get easier but I still have that initial shock when I put my hearing aids in and everything still sounds the same.

The first night that I lost all of my hearing, I was really devastated and still trying to accept what was happening.  At one point I woke up and was sure that I heard myself clear my throat.  I was half asleep and must have been thinking about it, because I spent the rest of the night dreaming that my hearing was coming back.  I distinctly remember waking up in the dream, putting in my hearing aids and then just grinning from ear to ear.  I ran up to Dave and said, “I can hear!  My hearing is back!”

That morning was the hardest by far.  I was holding my breath as I put my hearing aids in…and then I quickly realized it really was just a dream and there was no change.

I’m really relieved I don’t go through that every morning – talk about a depressing way to start your day!  Thankfully now it’s more of a “remembering I have to lip read” all day kind of thing.  The lip reading is also getting easier to do on a full-time basis.  The first couple of days I just felt exhausted by bed time – it was really a lot of work to lip read and focus intently on what everyone was saying all day long.  I’m very much a multi-tasker and having to stop what I’m doing to face the person speaking to me, never look away from their face as I lip read the words, was a big adjustment.  No more doing the dishes or making dinner while I casually chat with my daughter.  We still talk, of course, but that easy flow is gone because I can’t look down to add ingredients or wash a dish and still understand what she is saying.

Mornings seem to be harder for me as far as lip reading and comprehending go.  Usually by noon I’m in my groove and don’t really have much trouble but in the mornings Dave has had to rely on writing notes a couple of times before I catch on.

It’s still really exciting to realize how much I do catch though.  The only really hard times are when big changes of topic come into play.  I do have moments of panic if the topic changes and I have NO idea what’s being said, but that happens pretty rarely.

I know it won’t be long before I’m used to this but for now it’s like entering a strange new world every morning.

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