Monthly Archives: September 2013
Earlier today on Facebook, my sister-in-law posted a picture of her husband. He was taking clothes off the clothesline, and she captioned the photo thusly: “To all you young gals out there……this is what a sexy man looks like after 37 years of marriage. To all you gals my age…..you know what I’m talking about!”
Can we get an AMEN?!
I always tried to tell my kids to focus on more than just looks when it comes to a significant other. I know they come into play a little bit as far as initial attraction goes, and that’s inevitable. I suppose if Dave and I were really turned off by each other’s looks, we might not have become a couple. I don’t know – I can’t test that theory because it isn’t the case (wink wink).
What I do know is that we originally had no idea what the other person looked like; this was in the earlier days of the internet when it was a little tougher to get a photo posted online. We had been corresponding for a few months before I ever saw his picture; he snail-mailed me an envelope of photos to scan for him so I could post them on the Say What Club (SWC) photo page, which I maintained at the time.
Because we initially just corresponded via email (privately and through the SWC) we really got to know each other well. We wrote long emails and eventually moved on to IRC chats, which were more real-time than email and better than a phone call since we both had hearing loss.
Although we originally met online 16 years ago this month, September 1997, we didn’t meet in person until the very end of March 1998. We had a lot of time to talk and not be swayed by appearances. I had seen his packet of photos when I scanned them, and I think he probably saw one or two photos of me that were on the SWC site.
When we met in person and he started coming to visit on a regular basis, one of the first things I noticed was how helpful he was around the house. I’d come out of the shower and find him washing the kitchen floor; he did dishes and laundry, cooked and cleaned even in the early days of our relationship. I actually figured it would wear off, that he was just trying to make a good impression on me. As the years went on, I realized it was just the kind of person he was – and ever since, we’ve had this kind of unspoken partnership as far as housework was concerned. If it needed to be done, one of us would do it – we didn’t divvy up chores or make a big deal out of it. There was no resentment, no keeping track of how many times he emptied the dishwasher or that kind of thing.
We do have a couple things that are our exclusive domains – yard work and the garden for Dave, anything to do with money, bills and the checkbook for me.
Back to my first paragraph – seriously, nothing was sexier to me than seeing him pitch in like that from day one. At the end of the day, I’m not falling into bed exhausted, angry and resentful because I did all the work while he sat around or whatever. There was a mutual respect going on (still is) and that does wonders for your love life! I imagine it goes both ways – if I was just lying around while he did all the work, I’m sure he’d be pretty irritated with me at the end of the day.
In the early days, I worked outside the home and Dave was here with the kids, but we’ve been working together from home since 2001. We spend all day, every day together. Even after being together for over 15 years, I still sometimes just stop and marvel at how much I enjoy being with Dave. I love talking to him and just hanging out with him. We talk and joke around all the time; I never run out of things to say to him. It amazes me that we found each other the way we did, especially considering we lived in different states and have a nine year age difference. Originally our hearing loss was the main thing that brought us together. Who knew that we would just completely enjoy each other so much, so consistently, for all these years?!
I know I don’t look much like I did 15 years ago when we first met; we’ve both gotten older, put on some weight…time has begun taking its toll. But when you have a strong friendship and respect for each other, all that physical stuff just falls away. That’s what I kept trying to impress on the kids: Looks don’t stick around. Make sure this person is someone you totally love spending time with, talking to; make sure you respect them and they respect you. That supersedes all the superficial looks stuff. What’s sexy is not when your husband grabs your butt as you bend over to empty the dishwasher … it’s when they reach around you to help you empty the dishwasher.
It doesn’t hurt if the guy does laundry, too. Hubba hubba!
1. Our tomatoes are starting to ripen, so I took a photo of the four types of heirloom tomatoes we appear to have in our garden. The small plum-shaped tomatoes are Amish Paste; the larger plum-shaped tomatoes (with kind of an indent in the center) are San Marzano. (Confession time: We had these mixed up, and it was only when I referred back to the catalog for this blog entry that I realized this.)
The two types of mystery tomatoes are round, and one is no longer a mystery now that they’ve ripened up. We confirmed that one type is from Russia, called Nature’s Riddle. We originally thought it was a pink variety, and then we realized the top was actually yellow. We ended up finding them in the Striped section of the catalog – the top ripens to golden yellow and the bottom becomes a salmon-pink color. Pretty cool! The others are still a mystery … but they are very pretty, we have a lot of them and, luckily, they are delicious.
2. The family is doing well: Dave is starting to feel better – his graft versus host issues seem to be letting up a bit. Paige set out on her own and has moved in with some friends, so we are wishing her well as she moves on to this next stage of her life. Eric came out for a visit over the weekend and is still enjoying his life in the big city; we had a great visit and got to watch the first two episodes of The Heroes of Cosplay with him.
3. When I originally got my cochlear implants, I worried for a while over whether I should just get one or do both ears at the same time. One of my concerns was that having two CIs would double my costs. So far that hasn’t been much of an issue, but now I’m considering an upgrade and that money thing is coming into play. Advanced Bionics has a new, just-approved-by-the-FDA processor called the Naida CI Q70. It is VERY COOL and has lots of new capabilities that I would love to have; it’s also smaller, has an option to wear it off the ear and also to use regular batteries if I want (instead of the AB rechargeables). I’ve had my CIs for just over five years now, so I qualify for an upgrade through insurance (not sure though if they will pay for one or both – I’m waiting to find that out). I would still have to pay 20% out of pocket, though, and that comes to a few thousand dollars that I don’t have.
Luckily, I don’t NEED an upgrade – my Harmonies work just fine. Since there’s no urgency, I can save some money and wait a while before I upgrade. (We don’t use credit cards, remember, so no slapping down the plastic to pay for these babies!) I won’t be able to even consider an upgrade until 2014 sometime. So it’s exciting and a little agonizing (the wait, that is) but ultimately I’m pleased that they aren’t out of reach for me. In the meantime, I’m paying attention to all the feedback from those who do upgrade right away…by the time I get them, I should be pretty well-versed in everything they can do!