Smash Redux

When we were driving home from my mammogram on Friday, I told Dave that the technician was really fast; during previous years, they would often spend quite a while positioning me just so before finally lowering the plate and telling me to hold my breath.  This girl was just like boom, boom, boom, DONE.  There was really minimal squishing compared to previous mammograms, as well.  As we drove away I joked, “Watch me get a call back now because everything went so quickly.”

I should have kept my mouth shut, because on Monday afternoon the phone rang and it was my internist’s office.  There was no reason for them to call … and then I remembered the mammogram on Friday.  Sure enough, they asked if the hospital had called me (they hadn’t).  Apparently the radiologist ‘saw something’ on the right side and wants me to come back for an ultrasound.  They were getting ready to send the paperwork over to the hospital, and told us to call the hospital on the following day, Tuesday, to set up the appointment.

I naively thought I’d probably be told to come right in once we called or, at the very least, get an appointment for Wednesday.  Apparently I was lucky to get an appointment for a week from today, on the 18th, because they had a cancellation.

They had sent me home with an instruction sheet on what to expect after the mammogram, and at the bottom of the sheet it said that 10-15% of women get called back for additional images.  I know I’m now part of a really big club (and talking to my online friends has confirmed that) but it’s still hard to stop my mind from going on a big ‘what if’ road trip.  I’m quite an expert on imagining every ghastly scenario that could come up, and knowing I get to do this for another week is stressful, to say the least.

I saw one article online that claims there’s long-term psychosocial harm from getting called back after a mammogram, and I can believe it.  Even though there’s a good chance this could turn out to be nothing, it hasn’t stopped me from imagining how I’ll feel if I get diagnosed with breast cancer.  In fact, I have to keep reminding myself that it hasn’t happened yet and to just chill, man.  (Easier said than done.)

Part of it is because I’m no stranger to being that 1% of people that have bad things happen to them, like going completely deaf in each ear in over a 15 year time span.  So even though I know the odds are in my favor, there’s a little voice saying, “But look what happened the LAST time you thought something bad wouldn’t happen.”

I usually try to keep everything upbeat, and now that the shock is wearing off, I’m starting to relax a little bit and see the positives.  I have insurance to cover this; if there is anything going on, then I’d rather know early rather than later; and, ultimately, I just have this ‘I’ll do what I have to do’ kind of attitude.  It’s not like I can say, “Um, no, I don’t want to deal with this.”

I’m just hoping I get some kind of answer on the 18th, because not knowing is really the hardest part for me.  It’ll be disappointing if I’m told I have to have a biopsy and they can’t fit me in until January, or something along those lines.  I’m pretty sure a radiologist will be doing the ultrasound, and if it’s good news, I’ll know right away; I just suspect if it’s still unclear, it will be a while before I get answers.

Guess I better get going on some meditation or good stress-reduction techniques.  (For me, it’s cleaning or exercising … gotta burn off that nervous energy!)

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About wendiwendy

This was my original info in 2008: I'm a newly-deafened adult. I'm still getting used to the sudden silence, and I want to talk in the only manner where I can still hear my voice...in print. Now: I'm a bionic woman and I can hear myself roar!!

Posted on December 11, 2013, in Medical Visits, Not Related to Hearing Loss and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Ack, Wendi! Sending lots of vibes your way that everything turns out okay and that you get the results quickly. I have fibrocystic breasts and have to get an ultrasound along with my mammogram almost every time, so it definitely could be totally nothing!

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